It hurts...

Society, heck even my own family! Does not understand my NEED to paint and to talk about painting. I need to paint, my grandparents, parents etc. They do not understand. I can not really explain either, except that it hurts me when I do not paint and when I can not talk about it either. It hurts in my heart and my chest tightens uncomfortably.

I am only 16, people expect me to do things that normal 16 year olds do: go out, shop, meet friends.... there is no room for people like me who are the opposite, people who like to have serious talks, who like to read and listen to music and paint. Do not get me wrong, I like to meet friends and be with people, but I can not live on that alone. I need my time alone and I need to dream. I can only do that when I paint, then it feels like my heart is soaring on clouds.

That really is the problem here, people expect people to be a certain way. And when they are not, they are considered outsiders, social setbacks, outcasts. But we are not that, from my perspective, we, the outcasts, are the ones who are truely alive.
I do not just live on people, and parties and happenings. I live on thoughts, and books and art and contemplating God s world, family and Jesus. And I am HAPPY. I see the world through eyes that are wide open and see so much beauty because God gave me Art.
And is it wrong for me to be happy? Is it wrong for me to love life the way I live it? Should I change my happy life, my joyful life just because some people think I am not normal enough?
No, I do not think I should. After all, normal, just as beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
And I DO have friends and a life. And it is MY life, and I will live it the way Jesus wants me to, NOT the way "people" do.

Past, Present and Future. Why?

People live either in the Past or in the Future, but rarely in the Present. People are either pining away for something long past, or living for something that hasn't happened yet. Few ever live in the here and now. Why? I don't know really.

I find myself living in the future, always looking for something that hasn't happened yet, and being sad it hasn't happened yet. There are a few times though when I have lived in the present and those times are my best memories. Living in the present, you are able to take in your surrounding more, you are able to enjoy the bird's song more the wind in the trees and the sun on your face. Life is richer when you are able to put things past and things to come behind you and live in and for the things right now.

I pray God will help me to live like that and to trust him about the things to come and I know my life will all the richer for it.